Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
by Sho'Jo Untainted
Summary: Bakura, Yami, Kaiba and Joey wake up to find themselves on a remote plannet, and in the middle of a war to capture the other teams Flag. What they dont realise their on National Tv! Yaoi in future chappies


Hey all- I liked this idea better. Sorry if it sucks.

Note: Again from Red vs Blue- and again again, if you don't know what it s ill try my best to inform you all as I go. Heres just a little helper thing

Red Armour: Sarge

Yellow: Griff

Pink: Donut

Maroon: Simmons

Oh and I plan to do Pairings in the future. So yeah.

**Well Why the Fuck ARE we here? **

Bakura opened one eye and moaned as he rubbed his hand on his head.

/What the fuck happened? Last thing I remember I was at Kaiba's trying to steal his gravitational coat thing/ he thought as the tomb robber sat up and looked around a pitch black room.

/Ahh I see what's going on, Ryou locked me in the closet again//

The Tombrobber sat up and put out his hand- expecting it to be met by some type of wood. But nothing was there. Bakura's eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could see clearer. He was actually in a room, a very large one at that, and as he looked around he could see large lumps of something on the floor.

"Ok maybe I put my head down the toilet again….

The Tomb robber crawled across the floor and went to one of lumps, gazing at it closely he realised who it was..

"PHARAOH?" Bakura yelled jumping back

There was a small moan from the person below and before Bakura knew it, the Pharaoh was in front of him.

"Bakura? What on earth?" Yami said looking at the Tomb robber with confusion

Bakura shook his head and stood up. Looking around he got more and more freaked out. He then quickly looked at the wall and realised there was a window, covered with curtains. The tomb robber ran towards it and pulled it across, revealing a harsh and blinding light in the room.

"You have got to be fucking me" was all the white haired demon could say.

There was a moan as the casualties on the floor got up and stretched, mumbling something to themselves.

"Man dat felt like da best dream ive had in a long time" young Joey wheeler said wiping his eyes, only for them to be met by a pair of cold blue ones.

"KAIBA!" Joey yelled jerking as far away from the CEO as he could.

Kaiba stood up and looked around.

"Ok geeks what's the meaning of this?"

Bakura walk towards Kaiba and shrugged.

"I woke up and I was in here" is all he could say.

Joey quickly got up and looked around; it was an empty room with blue walls and blue floors.

"Dis place don't ring any bells"

Yami nodded

"I agree Joey, and besides last time I remember I was trying to persuade the _tomb robber_ not to steal Kaiba's coat"

Kaiba automatically turned around and glared at Bakura who smiled and waved innocently.

"Well last think I remember, I was about ta eat the biggest Sub-way sandwich ive ever seen!" Joey said confused

Bakura looked at the other males and then out the window. His eyes widened. Outside was all a huge space, no buildings, no cars, and more dramatically, no people. It was a large field with two great canyon walls securing them.

Yami sighed.

"Maybe we should go have a look around. See if there are any other people here"

As everyone nodded Kaiba pushed past the others and opened the door, revealing what looked like a common room and several rooms leading off that. All the rooms that Kaiba could see were totally filled with lounges, chairs and tables. Though the most distinct feature being- a blue flag in the centre.

The 4 males walked out with the same expression on their faces. The room was silent for a few minuets.

"What's with the flag?" Bakura asked breaking the silence.

Kaiba began to walk away from the rest of the group and head for what look like the hall way until Yami stopped him.

"Kaiba, you can't just walk away. We should defiantly stick together until we figure out where we are"

Bakura rolled his eyes and ran to catch up with Kaiba.

"Pharaoh I have 2 words for u" he said smiling

Yami rolled his eyes

"And what might they be Tomb robber?" the former Pharaoh asked

"Suck my balls" Bakura said as he began to walk away beside the CEO.

Yami sighed as he stood next to Joey who was using fingers and mouthing the words Bakura had said.

"Wait Bakura that's like 3 words ya knoob!"

123123123123

Bakura looked around as he walked next to Kaiba outside. Green grass and several hills all blocked out by a huge canyon was all he could see. But when he looked in the distance the thief smiled.

"I knew it look! In the distance!" Bakura shouted to Kaiba smiling.

Kaiba stopped and squinted his eyes, towards a small camp in the distance. It looked exactly the same as the rooms they had all woken up in but the colouring was different….red.

"I knew there would be other people here, the mother fuckers kidnapped us" Bakura said shaking his head.

Kaiba began to walk and Bakura caught up.

123123123123123123

In the camp that Bakura had spotted, a man dressed in yellow armour sighed due to his boredom, though walked around on the roof.

"GRIFF!" came a piercing yell from inside the building

The yellow man sighed

"WHAT?" he yelled back

"Do you see any signs of invasion, creatures or monkeys! You know how much I love shooting them monkeys!" came a southern American accent

Griff sighed

"No Sarge, there are no signs of anything"

"Well keep the look out! Those monkeys could be any where!"

"Moron" Griff whispered under his helmet

/I heard that you ass wipe... You left the radio on again/ came that same voice through the ear piece, of the so called Griff.

Griff mumbled something to himself as he adjusted his gun on his shoulder.

_/Bed Simmons doesn't have to do this/_ he thought to himself

As Griff looked through his helmet he gasped at the sight.

/Sarge, two blues are coming this way/ he said through the radio and loaded his gun.

123123123

"So I said to Ryou "Ryou the whole tadpole joke with Yami was just a joke!" Bakura said looking at Kaiba's expression

Kaiba clenched his fists as he continued to walk.

**BANG!**

Bakura and Kaiba froze; looking up at the red camp they pulled a face.

"OI! What was that for cunt rags! You could have hit me!" Bakura yelled giving the finger to all of them

**BANG! BANG BANG! **

Bakura ran behind Kaiba.

Kaiba looked at the roof of the building to see 4 colour- armoured men standing with their guns ready to shoot.

"I still can't believe that they actually walked here WITHOUT their armour!" Griff laughed nudging a maroon armoured man next to him.

"Ow Griff quit that, I need to concentrate" The Maroon armour whispered back

"Pff- U need to concentrate for pointing a gun…

"Well, well, well, look what the monkeys dragged in" came that South American accent again.

Kaiba looked up at the men- He had had enough

"LOOK! I don't know what mind games you are trying to play, but its getting old. WHO are you and WHY am I here?"

With that question each man on that roof lowered their weapons and even though you could not see their faces, you could tell they were confused.

"Maybe the war has finally gotten to them?" said a pink armoured man to Griff

"Yeah maybe" Griff responded back

"Silence ladies! This is a trap, they act like absolute fuck-tards for us to lower our guard" said the red armoured man with the accent

"Good thinking Sarge" The maroon one responded loading his gun again

Bakura submerged from Kaiba and looked confused.

"What war?" the thief asked confused

There was a grunt from Griff

"That one can't act" he said pointing his gun at the white haired boy.

"Shut the fuck up Griff!" The maroon one yelled

"Well son, since you didn't bring any weapons I don't see you as a threat" Sarge said lowering his gun

All the other men lowered their weapons.

Bakura and Kaiba looked at each other.

"So now can you explain to us why we are here?" asked Bakura tilting his head

There was a small giggle but it hushed down as the pink one came forward.

"Guys, we've been at war for like 3 weeks now"

Kaiba raised an eyebrow

"Were at war with _you_ guys?" the CEO said

They all nodded.

"WHOS WINNING?" Bakura yelled smiling

"No one yet" the pink one responded

Griff tilted his head to Simmons (maroon)

"I can't believe that's what they look like under the armour" he whispered

"Shh, we have to be quiet until Sarge gives us orders" Simmons whispered back

"What's the point of this war?" Kaiba asked not showing any emotion

"To capture the other teams….flag" came the response

Sarge sighed.

"Ive had enough talk talk, let's shoot some monkeys!" he said loading his gun and pointing it towards the Tomb robbers head.

Bakura and Kaiba didn't need any other invitation to leave. The two began to bolt back to base screaming as the 4 guns went off. Back at the blue base Yami gasped as he heard the bangs in the distance.

"Joey do you hear that? What if Kaiba and Baukra are in danger" Yami said turning his head to see an empty room.

"Joey?" Yami asked himself

With that a tall black armoured figure walked into the room. Breathing heavily. The figure walked up to Yami getting too close for comfort.

"I am your father! Get your father a root beer!" said the voice- though it was obvious it was Joey

Yami laughed

"Joey where on earth did you get that suit?" the Pharaoh asked

"I dunno, that room over there" Joey said pointing to the room's direction

"There are 4 suits. Well three now"

Yami began to walk and entered the room, seeing dark blue, aqua, and purple armour on the floor.

"What one earth…

But before Yami could finish his obvious sentence there was a loud scream from a familiar voice.

"THEIR GUNNA KILL US!" Bakura screamed running in the room hugging the black armoured figure that stood there not moving.

The black figure stood still and Bakura froze toughing the armour. The tomb robber looked up and screamed

"THEIR EVERY WHERE!"

There was a laugh from the armour and the helmet was removed- revealing Joey.

"Hey guys I heard the bangs, me and Yug were gunna come and save yas!" Joey said smiling

123123123123

"So let me get this straight. Were at war with the people who live down the road because their after our flag?" Yami said confused

Bakura and Kaiba nodded. Yami looked at the blue flag.

"Why don't we just give it to them?" Joey shrugged "I mean it's not like it worth anything" he said through the helmet.

Bakura gasped

"You're more stupid than Kaiba said you were! If we give it to them, WE DIE!" he yelled pointing to the flag.

Joey got up and began to walk into the room where he had previously got his armour and began to bring back each of the suits.

"I think for our safety we should wear these"

Kaiba, Yugi and Bakura got up examining each of the suits.

Kaiba grabbed the dark blue armour and walked out of the room.

Yami and Bakura looked at each other.

"I want the black one" Bakura said pointing to Joey

"But Bakura, Joey already chose that one" Yami said confused

Bakura rolled his eyes

"Na really?" he said sarcastically

Yami shook his head as he grabbed the purple armour

"There you go Bakura you can have the aqua armour" the pharaoh said walking into another room

Bakura shook his head

"I want the black armour- it represents me" he said smiling

Joey smiled under the helmet

"Bakura your albino, there is NO way this armour will represent you"

Bakura sighed.

"You ask dick cunt ass licker! People like me wear black armour ALL the time"

"Oh so now your being racist?" Joey said putting his hands on his hips

Bakura blinked

"NO!"

Ok I can't type any more, its 2 am…. I might need some sleep. You all know the drill. Review, or I don't update. And I really want to continue this story. Its holidays, and im bored and I really want an excuse not to do work so leave a comment ) Who ever comments gets a brownie and a beer ) Unless ur not over 18 then its just the brownie.

Hoo roo for now

Brooke

GET TO BASE AND GET ATTACKED

ARMOUR


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